Fathers and Autism

The diagnosis of autism seems more difficult for the Dads. We are simply not wired to easily accept deviations from expected norms. For the entire gestation, through the first 15+ months, it’s mostly Mother who is feeding, going to medical visits, and communicating with the new child. So, when development lags and socialization ceases to flow, there is often an extra bit of frustration and disappointment.

This is an ode that I wrote 5 years ago, updated for today’s families who affected by autism:

Warrior Dads. Concerned Dads. Curious, watchful, insightful. Patience.
Sometimes, not so patient.
 
Hard working Dads. Smart… trying anyway. Good husbands… trying anyway.
Sometimes, it works.
 
Miniature cars. Trains. Crayons. Getting them in just the right order.
Spinning. Wheels. Fans. Is that a ‘stim’?
 
Sleep – please. Poop – ?too little ?too much
Toilet training. Communicate!
 
Catch. Football. Soccer.
Maybe, have to wait a little while.
 
Education. Vacation. Camp.
IEPs.
 
Movies. Computers. iPads. iPad Apps.
Youtube. Too much repetition?
 
Wii. xBox. Video games.
On to another (non-preferred) activity. 
 
Decisions. Schools. Therapists. Drugs.
Opinions. Treatment options. Vaccinations. 
 
Doctors. Specialists. Alternative doctors. Naturopaths.
Homeopaths. Chiropractors. Nutritionists. B12 shots.
 
Appointments. Medications. Therapies. Supplements.
Money. Money. Money. More money.
 
Rare Holidays. Vacations. Exercise. Hobbies.
Planning for Restaurants. Shopping. Errands. 
 
Looking for Smiles. Playing with Toys. Chase.
Bouncing. Lots of bouncing.
 
Swimming. Horseback riding. Pet turtle.
Dr. Udell’s fish tank.
 
Finding activities. Yoga for kids. Summer camp scholarships.
Sensory friendly films. Thanks, Autism Society, and other local organizations.
 
Missing Cheeseburgers. Pizza. Mac & cheese. P&J.
Gluten free/ Casein free – Are these French Fries OK?
 
Sisters, brothers, grandparents, in-laws, cousins.
Peers. Precious few friends. 
 
Homework. Practice. Play. 
Worrying. Teaching. Learning.

 It’s all good. You’re a great Dad.
Happy Fathers Day !

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Brian D. Udell MD
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